| |
[Aug. 20th, 2008|06:41 pm] |
Uncharacteristically chilly, for summer, really. It's been a reccurring theme. In some ways, maybe the unfathomable weather is better for me, it goes with my new unfathomable world.
Taking time off before grad school was definitely the right idea. As August heads toward its end, I note that I would definitely not be thirsty for schoolwork, ready to hop into an autumn of structured intellectual pursuits.
That, and I haven't determined which path to pursue. It's been narrowed way down over the last few years, but it still feels pretty intensely like a crossroads, like choosing one way will determine a lot of things. It's basically between law school and film school. (That is to say, law school and film.. school, apprenticeship, something. Who knows which it would be.)
Teaching still flits across my mind every now and then, but that almost feels like it just wants to be a reminder or fallback.
So, law school or film school. I guess that's what the next several months will be spent deciding, and then application processes will begin, most likely.
Or, I could apply to places and then decide from there.
Law school feels like the Responsible Choice, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't feel like something I'd like.
Film school feels like a committment, too, and in that sense, responsible in at least having made a decision, but in a different way.
No. Law school feels like a committment to stability, and film school feels like a committment to creativity.
So which does the creative Capricorn choose?
I'm not sure why they aren't compatible in my head at the moment, but it seems they aren't. Stability or creativity, neither are both. Or at least, neither both for a long time. Film school could lead to creativity and eventually stability, or law school could afford enough stability to be creative on my own down the road.
Shrug.
I'm going to be sad when it gets to be too cold to hang out on the porch. The hammock pretty much rules. That's where I am now, and it's very pleasant. It's getting darkish, actually, so a cup of tea might be in order before moving inside when the moskitoes come out.
Back. Tea steeping.
The problem is that I can get myself excited about either thing. If I start looking into film, checking out internships, looking at classes schools offer, reading about directors I admire, or looking at cinematographers' credentials, think about my other experiences directing.. I want to do that.
But if I think about law school, and the challenges that would offer intellectually, that sounds good, too.
And I can as easily talk myself out of either. I can think of getting through law school, finding the challenges tedious in some ways, not wanting to study for a bar exam, and then being boringly lawyerly. I can think of having shitty internships that I take because they're remotely related to film, not having time or money to actually do what I want to do filmically, and generally not being happy.
You'll note that it never crosses my mind that I can't do either of these things, though. Interesting.
A strength, I suppose, coupled with my recent acknowledgment of the fact that I'm not easy to intimidate, and I adapt uickly to things, walking some line between wide-eyed and jaded that keeps me most of the time from the pitfalls of either, and allows the positives.
Sometimes, that is.
That might come in handy, in either choice. The farther into film you go that doesn't have to do with acting, the less women there are, and the farther into something like law you venture, the more and more ridiculously intelligent people you'll encounter.
But there's a kitty who wants to be on my lap, which is making typing a bit inconvenient. |
|
|
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
chgriffen's Friends Page
happy
curious
thoughtful
curious